The Words given by A Dad That Saved Me when I became a New Parent

"I think I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the truth rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a wider inability to communicate among men, who continue to internalise harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a show of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - taking a few days away, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "poor actions" when younger to alter how he felt, turning in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a family member, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their journeys, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - looking after you is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their pain, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."